Epilogue: Gackt

How I wish I could say that I hated him.
After everything we went through in those few months, to be left like that on the day of the biggest show of our lives… I should have been shattered. To be honest, I was hurt. I was devastated. But, I’d had the feeling since that day in Las Angeles when Yoshiki confessed himself to us that Miyavi would leave me. Besides, Chachamaru had all but told me after the diner conversation they’d had.
You see, when I love, I love all the way. Miyavi had the best of me for a while, and those were happy times. But with me, love usually goes faster than it comes. I’ve learned to live with it and move on, no matter how much it hurts.
The concert was a success, despite the setbacks we suffered beforehand. Every one of us did our best, and in the end, it paid off. The crowd was on its feet the entire time, and even though our set was short, it felt like an eternity on that stage.
Miyavi and I offered our own moments of fan service, just to have some fun. You wouldn’t believe the rampant ideas that’ve come from that.
Still, I wish I could say that I hate Miyavi. It would make seeing him from time to time so much easier. S.K.I.N. hasn’t come back together since that show, even though we always talked about putting out an album at some point. Sugizo and I keep in touch, but our schedules keep us from doing much in the way of getting together. Yoshiki keeps to himself in L.A., same as he always has. Nothing really changes with him, I suppose.
Miyavi, on the other hand, I see quite often. On the television, on the street, in shops and bars. I hear him on the radio every day. Sometimes, when we see each other, he’ll hug me and we’ll say hello. It’s always pleasant, but we never stay near each other for long.
I think we’re both afraid of revealing too much.
Maybe we’re afraid of falling in love again.
He learned to hide himself around me. Maybe that’s a good thing, in this case.
Either way, we’re still friends. Even if I still love him more than he knows.
It’s hard, you know… to love a rock star.


~END~