XXIX. Gackt: In the Time it Takes the Camera to Flash

We took a short plane ride to Long Beach the following morning. Our luggage and gear met us at the hotel, along with a slew of technical staff. From the moment we touched down in Long Beach, cameras were constantly going off in our faces. There was hardly a step we took that wasn’t stalked by a camera person.
The next morning, we took our first tour of the venue. The space was massive and mostly dark, but the stage was already well lit. Miyavi somehow found his way to the exact dead center of the arena and gave a shrill yelp. The echo was enough to make everyone stop in their tracks and just take it in. Yoshiki smiled and rolled his eyes before turning back to his conversation with the stage manager.
“It’s massive,” Sugizo remarked from my left. We were leaning on the stage, staring out over the rows and rows of seats. “Have you ever played a space so big?”
“Not in a few years,” I admitted. “And even then, it was overwhelming. We worked for months to get that show ready.”
“I remember that one,” Sugizo said. “I was there.”
I shot him a glance as he walked away. Sugizo never ceased to amaze me, and I was glad to have had the chance to get to know him. Miyavi bounced toward me, smiling in that special way of his that I hadn’t seen in weeks. I smiled back.
“Excited?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Scared?”
“Terrified.”
“Ah. Just don’t piss yourself.”
I chuckled at his childish humor. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you scared?”
“Should I be?”
My playful retort was cut off by Yoshiki calling us together. Per his instructions, we were to return to the hotel and prepare for that evenings photo shoot and a mini-tour of Long Beach. Afterward, we were having dinner with the entire concert staff, which counted upwards of one hundred people, both American and Japanese.
By the time the four of us stumbled back to the hotel, I swear I was actually tired for the first time in years. My body screamed for a hot shower and a warm bed while my mind screamed for sleep. Sugizo, still a little more awake than the rest of us (“You try living with a toddler,” he told us), took charge of Miyavi, literally dragging the man off the elevator and down the hall.
“Gackt? Can you spare a few minutes?”
Blearily, I remember saying yes to Yoshiki and unlocking the door to my suite. Shoving my boots off, I slumped into a chair.
“I know you’re tired, so I won’t keep you.” Looking up, I realized he was still standing next to the closed door. “I think I need to thank you.”
“For what?”
“That’s just it,” he said, smiling. “I don’t know. When we started this journey, I remember threatening you. And now, I think I’ve found some of the best friends I’ve had in… years.”
I nodded, know what he meant. “This is your baby, Yoshi. We only helped raise it, you know.”
He smiled again and left.

For two days, the four of us were caught in a blur of motion. Photographers and press shows and dress rehearsals and dinners; all a passing whir of movement and time. I couldn’t remember a time before that I was so busy before a concert. As the day of the show grew closer, we were advised to stay close to the hotel and the venue. Convention-goers were milling everywhere around the area we were in, and it wouldn’t do anyone any good if we were mobbed.
Miyavi spent most of our downtime staring out the windows of either my suite or his own, excitedly pointing out a costume he recognized.
“Gackt! It’s me!” he shrieked one afternoon. “It’s a herd of me! Look!”
Joining him at the window, I couldn’t help but laugh. He was right. A group of girls and boys were standing at the corner across the street, each of them dressed as a different Miyavi from a handful of his promotional videos.
“They’re good,” he said, still giggling. “Almost perfect.”
“Close, but nothing compared to the real thing,” I said, slipping an arm around his waist.
“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he chastised, laughing. “Flattering as flattery can be. Besides, your level of flattery isn’t very flattering at all.”
“I’ll try harder next time,” I said with a light chuckle. “I promise.”
Silence fell between us as we watched the cos-players and other conventioneers filter by.
“So,” I cleared my throat. “Are you ready to tell me this big thing you’ve got on your mind?”
I knew as soon as Miyavi’s expression fell that I’d screwed up. I had ruined his good mood. My God, I’m such a bastard sometimes.
“Miya…”
“Gackt, no.” He shook his head. “What I need to say… you can’t force. I’m sorry.”
He quickly left, closing the door quietly behind him. After a few moments, I kicked the chair next to me and cursed. I was breaking his heart, but he was breaking mine, too.
And I think I broke a toe.
“Damn, that hurts!”