In the unreaching prayer, what should I ask for...
If I fall with you, only the crimes of evaded words disappear

Sometimes, it’s hard not to cry. It’s hard not to think about things, to sit and wonder. It’s hard to quell the tears; it’s hard to focus on anything other than the pain.
And what a pain it is.
Physically, I’m fine. I laugh, smile, joke, all the things deemed ‘normal’ in modern society. But inside… inside I die.
I die because you’re gone. Not just gone… gone. ‘Point of no return’ gone. Well, maybe not that gone, but you might as well be.
Do you know how hard this is?

I could embrace this body until it hurts
I could hurt myself
In order to become just a little bit stronger...

I have to live, breathe, survive… but you make it so hard. So very hard. You, with your pure smile, your real laugh, your true love. You, with him. It’s not that I’m not happy for you. I just… it hurts to see you like that. Because, once upon a time, he was me.
That smile… for me. That laugh… mine. Those eyes… on me.
My world has faded to reds and black.

It's been too long to know for sure... but a time has passed
How much do I know about you at all?
Tracing the map with my fingertip isn't working out so well, is it?
You're trying to hide away the anxiety in your face, but I still notice

Sometimes, I think I trick myself into believing that you still want me. Because there are times when you look at me, when you look at me… and my heart quickens. I know it’s just my imagination. What else could it be? You’ve obviously moved on, you’re obviously happier now than you were when you were with me.
What do eight years count, anyway? I only gave you the best of me, didn’t I?   
Our eyes meet, and I can’t help but wonder… what would have happened if we’d never met them? If we’d never gone into that meeting with a rival band, another hot commodity.
If you hadn’t wanted to trade drums for guitars.

In the unreaching shout, what should I believe in...
If we fall deeply, before these vanishing arms you smile

“Time will heal this.”
I try to smile at the small, blonde vocalist. The best friend of your new lover. He’s taken to wrapping his arms around me, to comfort me, as if he, too, has lost someone dear to him. And maybe he has. Maybe he knows exactly what it feels like, watching the two of you. And maybe, just maybe, I’ve got a kindred spirit in him.
Maybe, just maybe, he’ll turn out right in the end.
But, until he is, I’ll still watch. I’ll still wait.
I’ll still die.


---
Lyrics as follows::

“Uncertain Memory” ~ Gackt
“Lapis ~Prologue~” ~ Gackt
“Hitomi No Jyunin” ~ L’Arc-En-Ciel
“Uncertain Memory” ~ Gackt